White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
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Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
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She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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