brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
