He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
