You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
