**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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