How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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