1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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