Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
