I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
