It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
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