i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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