Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
