This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize
