But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
