Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
