Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
