Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
