Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
