Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
