Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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