3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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