i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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