sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I wish i was in the wii world.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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