felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
