mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
