wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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