i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
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They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
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At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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