I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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