i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
