Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I just cut my nipple shaving
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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