Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
