I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
