the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
