You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
