We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
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That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
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I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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