I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
