I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
the room spins SO much faster in panama
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
