he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Randomize
