I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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