Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
no more duck duck goose at the bar
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
