singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
