Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
