I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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