Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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