well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
