I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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