My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
