My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
