Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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