i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
