Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
