yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
