So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
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You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
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You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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