apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
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She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
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Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
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