Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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