Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
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uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
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I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Is her dick bigger than yours?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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