I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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