and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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