Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
pray to the hookup gods
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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