Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
