i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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